Saturday, May 31, 2008

y dicen por ahi...

que me dicen que soy fria. que tambien me dicen que tengo si acaso un pelo de egoista; que soy pasiva, que soy retraida, que soy apatica, que soy bonita y que soy comemierda. Hasta me han dicho que soy 'aceitosa'. Dicen que soy sarcastica, que tengo buen sentido del humor y buenas piernas. Que soy timida, que me cuesta coger confianza. Que soy buena amiga y que se escuchar. Dicen que me da mucho trabajo abrirme a las personas (no de esa manera mal pensado!). Que soy antipatica, que soy testaruda y que me gustan las cosas a mi manera (y a quien no?). Dicen que seria "la mejor del mundo". Me han preguntado que donde me he metido en la vida?. Algunos dicen que doy un aire de que me creo la gran vaina... que soy sencilla y complicada. Que pienso demasiado las cosas y no vivo el momento (hasta yo lo digo!!). Que soy obsesiva, que soy inteligente y culta. Me han dicho que soy extraordinary and special. Dicen que soy atenta y cariniosa, que soy indiferente, idealista y realista. Tambien que soy positiva y una persona triste.
y que?
Y QUE?
pues soy asi. creo que hay *algo* mejor en la vida... solo debo encontrarlo... pero debo salir a buscarlo... no vendra a mi solo.
que soy pasiva, que soy fria, que soy cariniosa...... soy lo que quieras que sea o lo que TU quieres ver que soy.
al fin y al cabo soy yo. soy la misma Laura y asi soy.
soy.
y punto.
final.

Monday, May 19, 2008

where to now?

i am roaming in all this different directions with no direction itself.. i dont know what i want... i fact, i do. i want something more.. i want to be happy, i want to be good at what i do professionally and stand out in it. i want someone that makes me feel like that* and better.

a friend said to me the other day: "dare, let go of your inhibitions, get wild, enjoy life with a conscience".. thats one of the best advices ive gotten lately.. there's something in me that wont let me go on.. something that has been keeping me stuck for quite a while.. how can i get rid of that "something" if i dont know what it is?
another friend and i were discusing this same issue and she said something really interesting:
L: como que tiene que haber algo mas
T: there always is...its just too fucking hard to find...
L: the "something else more"
i know
it sucks
pero como que.... ya
toy harta
its enough
T: what makes us all different from each other is not what we like or dislike, or what happens to us.. its how we deal with those things... giving up is not in your nature, dont give up on this cause you KNOW when you do find what youre looking for, even if it takes you your whole damn life to find it, you wont regret a second ever looking for it...the feeling is just too fucking amazing!!!
you have the right, and the reasons de estar harta...just "take a break and head back on track"
you'll win the race eventually

the problem is... wheres the back on track im supposed to head to? how do i get there? directions anyone?

i hate feeling like this... my mind and my heart need vacations for a while....
i wanna stop feeling like this:






















*yo me entiendo

Monday, May 5, 2008

palabras en el aire escritas con tinta de aguacero

the other day i was watching one of my favorite movies, Serendipity... one of the main characters, Sarah, believes that everything happens for a reason, that everything has a meaning.. i believe in that too.. i think that every little thing that happens is a way that the universe has of telling you something. EVERYTHING! from an untied shoe-lace that makes you go in your car a minute or two later, just to make you witness (and not take part in) a car wreck on your way to work.. to having something someone gave you get broken in a random moment (as a sign of that relationship with that person)
también creo que las decisiones que uno toma en la vida te llevan a encrucijadas en las que Dios te da lo que necesitas.. ya sea por el camino más difícil o el m
ás "fácil".... generalmente lo que uno quiere y lo que uno necesita son cosas totalmente distintas.. hay veces que corremos la "suerte" de que eso que queremos es igual a lo que necesitamos, solo a veces... el key del asunto está en que esas dos cosas siempre vayan de la mano, lo cual es muy dificil de lograr..

todos estamos en ese camino.. de saber lo que queremos, y de obtenerlo. most of the time, we tend to get blinded by the little things that happen along the way. we get sidetracked and forget about what we wanted in the first place.

right now im trying to figure out what i want. you might say that's an easy thing, like i thought when i was youger.. back then it was so easy, i always knew what i wanted to study and what i wanted to achieve in life.. as i walk through life some things get blurry. as of now, i am certain i want to get out of here for some time (not permanently). i was sure i wanted to move to Barcelona and do something in graphic design.. which is very basic and i want to do something more specific... something that allows me to stand out from the big community.. the problem is that i don't know what i like... as simple as that... i guess i have time to explore and make that decision, but since i need a scholarship i don't want to neglect this.
i've also contemplated the idea of moving with my sister (which would be the greatest!) and do some courses till i find the p
erfect thing in Barcelona.

... i don't know.. but what i do know is that all this uncertainty about EVERYTHING makes me anxious and queasy.

i wish things were simpler y que uno no tuviera que irse tanto en contra de la corriente para lograr lo que uno quiere.

*sigh